You’re Dating a Chef? Please Read This!

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If you just googled, “Dating a chef” and arrived here, welcome.  Welcome to this crazy life of being involved with someone in the culinary industry.

I would guess the reason you googled this topic is because dating a chef is not exactly what you expected it would be.  Perhaps you’re lonely, frustrated by the hours, struggling with finding time to spend together, or even time to talk.

Well guess what?

YOU ARE NOT ALONE!! 

WOOHOO!!

Don’t you feel so much better already?

There are tons of us out there, who are somehow connected to a chef . . . married, dating, parents, siblings, etc.

There are others out there who can relate to the crazy obsession with chef knivesthings for the kitchen and cookbooks.  Nice!! 🙂

dating a chef

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Our society portrays this life of a chef as very glamorous, which as you now know is very far from the truth.  The hours are long and change constantly, the work is hard and stressful and the pay is not so great.  So why even bother?  Why don’t they just choose another career?

While I can’t answer this question for the person you are dating, I can tell you why my chef/husband stays in this career.  He’s a good chef.  I could go on and on and brag about what an amazing chef my husband is, but the reality is that he’s really good at what he does and he needs to work to provide for us.   That’s why he stays in the kitchen.

Does he love the hours?  No.

Does he come home absolutely exhausted?  YES!!!

Has he always been paid well?  Nope!

But it’s what he does well and so he continues to work hard at it and do his job to the best of his ability.

But what about us?  The other person in the relationship?  If this seems to be a lifelong career choice, how do you go about coping with the long hours and constantly changing schedule, the complete exhaustion and stress and the not so great pay?  What exactly am I getting myself into here by dating a chef?  (Click on the links in the paragraph to see answers to those questions.)

1.  First of all, if you are dating a chef, you’re going to have to decide if he or she is worth it.  Being in a relationship with a chef or someone who works in a professional kitchen is a lot of work and can be very lonely at times.  If you are not absolutely sure you can deal with it for the long term, it’s probably better to call it off before you get too attached.

Wait . . . It sounds like I’m trying to talk you out of dating a chef.  I’m not.  Really.

I in no way want to discourage you from dating or marrying a chef.  I love my husband dearly and would not trade any moment of our 19 years of marriage, even the really, really, really tough ones (and there have been quite a few).  While it hasn’t been easy, God has been with us every step of the way and we are still happily married!  It is possible to have a relationship with a chef!  We are living proof of that!

But I want you to be prepared.  It’s not easy!

I want you to know what you are getting into.  🙂

How to survive dating a chef

Click on the picture to sign up for my weekly newsletter and receive your free guide, “How to Survive Dating a Chef.”

2. Talk about the hours, the stress, your loneliness, etc.  Talk, talk, talk, talk and then talk some more.  Find time to talk!  Make sure you both understand the impact his career will have on your relationship.  It’s not a 9-5 job and probably never will be.

3.  If possible, find another chef who is happily married and talk to him/her and their spouse!  Ask them questions.  Ask them everything you could possibly think of and then ask them what they wish they knew before they started dating or before they got married.  If you can’t find a happy chef couple near you, ask us!!  We might not be able to have you over for dinner if you live on the other side of the globe, but we can talk, text, or email.

Life is not the Food Network.  That is TV and it is edited.  You can’t edit life (except on Facebook and Twitter.)

I started writing this blog to connect with other chef families and to help dispel this crazy notion that the life of a chef is so glamorous.  It’s actually pretty tough and can be very lonely at times.

I started this blog to connect with you!

But with that being said, I know that finding a new blog can sometimes be overwhelming.  So let me point you to a few posts that I think might be helpful.  (And remember while I write about being married to a chef, I share many of the same emotions that you have while dating one.  Don’t let the “marriage” word discourage you for reading.)

Letter to a Young Chef Wife

Do you Ever Feel Like You Are Living Separate Lives?

Last Minute Changes in Schedule

Working Opposite Schedules

Frequently Asked Questions about being Married to a Chef

Gift Ideas for a Chef

As you read, you’ll continue to see more and more that you are really not alone in what you are feeling.  I promise!!

If you don’t want to take my word for it, head on over to this board on Pinterest and see what others are writing about this topic.

Follow Jennifer @ Emulsified Family’s board Dating a Chef on Pinterest.

So please, if you are dating a chef and have questions, ASK!

Use the comment section below, send me an email, join our closed Facebook group, or find me on Facebook or Twitter.  We are all in this together.

While our lives may look different in many ways, no matter where you live on the globe, if you are dating or married to a chef, I guarantee we have a lot in common.  Let’s talk!  (Have you found the comment section below yet?)

You might also want to take a minute to sign up to receive my newsletter and get a free copy of the guide “How to Survive Dating a Chef.”

How to survive dating a chef

From one chef’s wife (or girlfriend) to another,

Jennifer

117 Comments

  1. Jess

    Jennifer,

    Thank you so much for writing this! I stumbled upon your blog last night. I am from Australia and although I’m only new to the #datingachef game, I have already experienced quite a lot of what you’ve written about and have now looked over a few other blogs. Its nice to know there are other women out there that feel the same. Its nice to know that I won’t actually be alone at times, and that all I have to do is jump online and there’s people here who “get it”! I’m lucky in that I also work with a fellow ‘chef-wife’ and that is something we have bonded over.

    The funniest/ironic part of my relationship is, I’m the one that cooks the most at home. And no-one else seems to understand why… Nice to know I’m not alone.

    Thank you, and I’ll be reading!

    Jess.
    Australia, NSW.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Thank you! So glad to hear you have another chef wife nearby to talk to! And you are definitely not alone as far as being the one who cooks the most at home! 🙂

      Reply
  2. Krystal

    I’m so glad you found me because now I feel like I found you!! I wouldn’t have thought there was this community out there. I talk about how un-glamorous being married to a chef is all the time! People don’t see the other side- it’s so funny. Can’t wait to read more!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      There have to be thousands of us out there with all the restaurants in the world. We just need to find each other and have a way to connect. 🙂 Thanks Krystal!

      Reply
  3. Tracy

    Thank u so much for ur blog!! I had just started to date a owner\chef when he said u might wanna see what u r getting yourself into before we start anything serious.. So I googled a few things and came across this blog.. It was really eye opening.. But it was too late for me. By this time he had already won me over with a few amazing meals.. Late night wine and food dates.. And his passion for everything was all something I couldn’t walk away from.. Now I read ur blog all the time. I am part of the dating a chef world. Most of my friends and family don’t understand. I would rather spend my Friday and Saturday night snuggled up with a movie alone than out. My weekends have now become Sunday after brunch and some Mondays. I wouldn’t trade any of it. I was so blessed to find an amazing and talented man who has grown to mean the world to me. Thank u for ur honest words. It’s a great gift to have a place to come and know ur not alone or crazy. And other people understand!!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      I love that he suggested you might want to see what you were getting in to. Good for him and I’m so happy for you! I hope things continue to go well and am glad you can relate to what I’m writing about. You are definitely not alone. There are a lot of us who understand!

      Reply
  4. Taylor D

    Hi! I’m Taylor, I’m 20-years-old, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost two years now. He’s a cutie 21-year-old who graduated from culinary school just last year, and has been said to have a whole lotta potential (so I think I may be in for a real ride!).
    My boyfriend has recently secured a job in the restaurant at one of the most highly anticipated hotel openings in Canada, and he has a lot on his plate. They’ve put a whole buttload of money into the place, so the food/staff/EVERYTHING has to be perfect. He’s managing the cold app station on his own, which he’s ecstatic (/overwhelmed) about, and it’s his first big job- I’d say it’s a fantastic place for him to start his career! I’m so excited for him, and indescribably proud, but I’m kind of starting to see the stress its put on our relationship already- and the place isn’t even open yet.
    I’m just wondering if you have any advice as to how we can have time together when he’s so tired all the time, and how to make the most of it when we have minimal bonding time as it is! I love watching him learn and grow and evolve, and wouldn’t trade this for anything… But I feel that I could use a bit of advice, cause I think we might be in for the long haul. Any thoughts?
    ps- I love the first article that you shared- too funny!!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Congratulations to your boyfriend! How exciting. The long hours are tough and opening a place is unlike anything else. While things will settle down after a bit, the long hours and maybe even the stress will probably still be there. This might be obvious, but trying to find things to do that are relaxing (as opposed to going on a 4 mile hike on his day off) and making sure you are free when he’s off so you can have that time together. I would also encourage you to not read too much into certain things he says or how he says them when he’s tired. I often think something is wrong but when I ask my husband, he just says he’s totally exhausted and that he’s fine. When I think something’s wrong and am worrying that I did something to bother him, that really affects the mood in our home and our time together is not so great. Hope that helps and good luck! Please keep in touch. 🙂

      Reply
  5. DeAna G.

    I am so glad to come across your blog!!!!
    I do feel better knowing that I’m not alone with/in this new lifestyle adjustment. I’m crazy about my Man/ Chef! I am a business owner and He still more busy than me!! So I tend to lengthen my schedule to keep me from feeling lonely And missing him!!! Can somebody give me any suggestions! Its hard to hang with my girl do to their family lives, and I dont want to intrude on them!!! Help!!!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      When I worked full time I lengthened my hours as well, since there was only an empty house to come home to. 🙁 I know you don’t want to intrude on them, but have you asked any friends if they mind if you join them (one that will be honest)? There’s a good chance that your close friends would not mind you joining them at all. It just depends on the friend and their spouse or boyfriend. I have some close friends, who are like family, and it’s very different hanging out with them (and bringing our 3 kids) than other friends. Hope that helps a little. 🙂 Hang in there! I know it’s hard (especially during the holidays)!
      Jennifer recently posted…Tips for Inviting a Chef and His Family Over for DinnerMy Profile

      Reply
  6. Trish

    I just came across your blog and I honestly don’t know how you do it. I have been married for almost 15 years and my hubby decided to leave his career path to become a chef. So I now find myself supporting our household, as he leaves each morning and comes home late to a very lonely and increasingly resentful wife, who I barely even recognize anymore. So far, jobs have been during the day time, and it upsets me to be alone on weekends. But now he is considering a job at a restaurant which would require days and nights, with only one weekday off – and the pay is pennies! Is this really what life will be like from now on? Are there any alternatives I can suggest? I’m not sure I am cut out for married life without a husband. I’ve told him how I feel, but he is set on continuing in the kitchen. Any advice would be sincerely appreciated.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      From our experience, that sounds about right for a traditional restaurant. There are some cooking jobs that would be more 9-5, but they are not as common. When my chef/husband worked for Nordstrom, the restaurants were only open the hours as the store, so there was no reason to work late. Hours and days off also change as they move up the ladder, but every restaurant and restaurant group is different.

      I came across this blog post written by a CIA student a while back. It has some great information on non-traditional culinary careers. Maybe it would be helpful. 🙂

      http://ciastudentsdish.blogspot.com/2014/09/breaking-mold-non-traditional-culinary.html

      As far as being lonely and resentful, I struggle with those things daily. Loneliness is easier to overcome as I can find ways to stay busy so I don’t think about it as much.

      But resentment . . . I have to fight against it every day and it has to be a choice. I have to choose joy and contentment over resentment. Some days this is much easier than others! This is the career my husband has chosen and he’s really good at it. I can either choose to embrace it and support him or resent him and be miserable. The more I support him and encourage him, even if it’s really hard and I miss him terribly, the happier we both are and our home is a much better place for him to come home to.

      Sorry if that sounds harsh in a comment, but that’s really how I feel and the only way I’ve found to not be resentful.

      I wish all of us could live in the same town so we could all sit down over coffee and talk. It would be so much easier!! Feel free to email if you want to talk more. I’m always happy to share our struggles and joys. 🙂

      I know it’s not easy. I’m in this with you! Hugs to you from Seattle!
      Jennifer recently posted…Tips for Inviting a Chef and His Family Over for DinnerMy Profile

      Reply
  7. GB

    I’m glad I stumbled across this blog! My boyfriend is a sous chef at a country club and we’ve been together five years. It’s tough sometimes, but I was a server where he and I worked previously, and I’m thankful for it because it gave me a good understanding of what it means to work in food and bev, and it doesn’t make me mad that he has to work so much. That doesn’t mean we haven’t had spats, but I do miss him when he’s gone and I know he loves what he does. I’m proud of him. It’s nice to know others can relate!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hello! Glad you can relate! 🙂 I’ve heard quite often from people who have worked with their chef in the restaurant that they understand the crazy hours. Not that it makes it easy, but at least you’ve seen the craziness in action! I’d love to be a fly on the wall for a day in the restaurant to see what goes on. I only get to hear stories! (Which is fine. I have no desire to work in a restaurant!) 🙂 Thanks for stopping by. I hope you found some other posts you could relate to!

      Reply
  8. Kellie

    Thanks for writing this blog. It was nice not to feel so lonely for a moment! Similar to your husband, my boyfriend is extremely talented at what he does. He works in a high end resort in AZ now. We relocated for it. I guess I didn’t notice the long hours before as I myself had a job, life, friends, etc. Now while I’m on the job hunt here I find myself extremely lonely. I see him for maybe an hour or two a night. He knows he doesn’t give me as much time as id like and although I know he feels bad, it doesn’t change anything. Im trying to stay positive and not become resentful but it’s hard being so alone, in a new town, and not knowing anyone 🙁

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Having that much time by yourself is hard. When we first relocated, I remember feeling very alone and struggled with that too. 🙁 I wish it didn’t take such a long time to find a job, make new friends, etc. and for a new place to feel like home! Fight against being resentful with everything you have in you. I have struggled with that in the past and found that it ended up ruining the little time we did have together. I know it’s really hard to do that!! Hang in there!! I’m happy to chat back and forth with you via email if you want to talk more.

      Reply
  9. Jaye

    Wow! This is amazing. Thank you for organizing this support group. LOL. I’ve been #datingachef for 7 months now. Valentine’s Day is tomorrow and he’ll be at work from 8am till midnight (11 if the 9pm seating is slow…..they never are). *sigh* To cope I went on over to google and found you!! I worked for him for the first 6 months of our relationship so it was waaaaay easier. Now I just miss him!! I just requested to join your Facebook and plan on reading your how to books. Again, thanks for creating a place for us SO’s to connect.

    Reply
  10. Rachel

    Thanks for writing this blog! My boyfriend is an executive chef and we have been on and off for 2 years now. We have almost reached breaking point multiple times over the past 4 months. I’ve spent so much time going crazy not being able to spend any time with him. He gets so frustrated with me constantly telling him I need more time with him. I’m trying to stop asking him for that but it’s darn hard! It took him a year and a half to meet my whole family and some of my closest friends. Today I had another melt down (as we are at breaking point again) and I decided to sit down with a glass of red wine and google this stuff to see if it was just me feeling this way or if there were others out there! So glad to know I’m not alone! And yes, I can agree with those in regards to doing most of the cooking (although most of the time he is too tired to eat when he gets home from work)! Haha. I love him and we are compatible but I am almost 27 and am trying to figure out if I can live a married life ‘alone’ most of the time…especially when children come into the picture! Thanks for letting me know that there are others out there who are struggling too!!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Rachel. So glad you found me! I agree it’s hard to not ask for more time, but have seen in our relationship too that I have to be careful about how I ask and how often I bring it up. Timing is everything (and that applies to most things I want to talk to him about.) 🙂
      Jennifer recently posted…Is it Possible for a Chef to Cook in Small Quantities?My Profile

      Reply
  11. Krysten

    I must be the only one who finds absolutely zero comfort in knowing I’m not the only suffering girlfriend/wife of a chef. It just confirms my fears of having a spouse i will rarely see. My SO didn’t decide to go to culinary school until a year after we started dating. He kind of did it on a whim (or at least without discussing it with me before the school contracts were signed) and now i feel stuck! I don’t want a spouse in the restaurant business. I never did because I knew what that meant for the family of a restaurant worker Thanks to my mom. we’ve been dating for 4 years now. He’s already had major surgery done to his hand because of a sliced finger tendon. I love everything about him except his career choice. Someone please help me make sense of everything!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Krysten. A sliced finger tendon sounds painful! 🙁

      I’m not really sure how to help you make sense out of it. Have you guys talked about if he wants to do this long term? If so, then with him comes the job and the stinky hours. I know it’s not easy, but if you really love him and that’s really what he wants to do for a living, it’s best to respectfully express your concerns so he knows, talk about how the career impacts you and your relationship in the future, but then support him 100%.

      Not sure if that’s what you wanted to hear or is helpful in any way, but maybe it’s something to think about. 🙂 Keep in touch!
      Jennifer recently posted…The Struggles of a Chef Wife – Midweek Days OffMy Profile

      Reply
  12. Kim

    Thank you for writing this.
    I’ve recently moved in with my partner who is a senior sous chef, the hours are long, our days off are different and I’m by myself a lot most evenings and weekends.
    It’s tough, but nice to know others are going through similar situations.
    Look forward to going through your blog. 🙂
    Kim recently posted…May the 4th be with youMy Profile

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Thanks Kim. Glad you found me and can relate! 🙂

      Reply
  13. Katherine

    Thank you for taking the time to write your wonderful blog. I am currently a chef girlfriend and I want very much to become a chef wife. I love my chef with all of my heart and I believe we have a bright and happy future together.

    My chef boyfriend was recently promoted to executive chef (hooray!!!!). I am so proud of him, so happy for the promotion, and I miss him so much. The hours are more brutal than either of us were prepared for. We even spent hours talking about it and thinking of ways to cope, but it is just brutal. I am also in the industry, but nothing could have prepared me for this.

    Do you have any suggestions for how we can find the time to make sure that our budding relationship continues to blossom into the future marriage we both want?

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      HI Katherine. Glad you found me. My biggest suggestion is to guard whatever time he has off and not schedule other things during that time if at all possible. Sometimes it’s hard to say no to friends (and even family), but you need time together, just the two of you!
      Jennifer recently posted…What I Love About Being Married to a ChefMy Profile

      Reply
  14. Emily

    I just want to say thank you, your site is just what I needed today. I’m dating a chef and today is our three year anniversary. He has been at work since six this morning and won’t be home till really late tonight. I spent what is supposed to be one of the happiest days trying to get black grease out of his white jackets. After an hour I gave up sat on the floor and wondered what it was going to be like in five years time. So as you do I googled for advice, that’s when I found this site. After reading this article and everyones comments its made me feel stronger knowing that there are others out there going through the same things I am.
    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Happy anniversary! Sorry it was spent cleaning a chef coat though. 🙁 You are definitely not alone. Glad you found me. 🙂

      Reply
  15. Hera

    Wow. I wish I stumbled across your site a lot sooner! I am feeling so empty, lonely and sad in the past few weeks. After dating a wonderful restaurant chef/owner for about 4 months, where we struggled to coordinate each other’s schedule to spend time together, I ultimately ended our relationship after our last weekend getaway in May. We had plans to do something one evening and he had to cancel last minute due to scheduling conflict, etc. Once again, he was sorry and told me he’d make an effort to make more time for me. However, I was stubborn and thought, this is a pattern, and I just couldn’t see myself being with him in the long run. I was became depressed whenever he’s at work. I felt like I had no life. I hated the fact that I was at the mercy of his schedule. Now after not seeing or hearing from each other for weeks, I realize I’d rather hear from him a little bit out of the day versus not at all. I think I made a huge mistake. We do love each other. It’s so complicated. 🙁 I want to try to make it work. I don’t know how to approach him because from what I heard via mutual friends, he was pretty devastated when I ended it. I also implemented No Contact following the break up, so I don’t know if he wishes to see or hear from me anymore. I’m just so sorry for my actions.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Oh I’m sorry to hear that. The last minute changes in their schedules are so hard to get used to. But they do happen a lot (but I know hearing that doesn’t make it any easier.) It never hurts to pick up the phone and tell him what you just wrote. It’s worth a try if you love him. 🙂

      Reply
  16. Hera

    Thank you so much. I’ll have to muster up some courage to make that call. I feel bad for ending it and shutting him out because I thought it was the best way to move forward. But now I know it’s a lot easier said than done. I do regret my actions. Thank you again for the advice. It gives me great comfort to know that I’m not the only one who feels this way. And your story also gives me hope that I, too, can make it work if I really tried.

    Reply
  17. Heather

    Thank you so much for acknowledging that it’s not impossible to be in a relationship with a chef!

    My husband and I have been together for six years, and his crazy schedule actually inspired me to start my own business so I can have more flexibility to be with him. He is at a resort, so it’s not even restaurant hours. Sometimes he goes in at 3:00am, sometimes he goes in at 10:00pm- it’s always a gamble. I know when children enter our lives it will grow increasingly more difficult. As it is, our friends are never really sure if he will be able to attend their functions or not and are very forgiving.

    The part that keeps me going is that my husband truly LOVES what he does. He will still cook at home and try different things based on the latest trends in food (sometimes that means we have five different types of pickled quail eggs in the fridge, but there are always people willing to take them off our hands!). I told him once the passion is gone he will need to switch to consulting for better hours, but for now he is happy and I am happy I have found a way to adjust to his hours with my business.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Heather – so glad to hear you started your own business to have more flexible hours!! It isn’t impossible, but as you mentioned, you have to be flexible and think outside the box to make it work! 🙂

      Reply
  18. Nicole

    I’m SO grateful for finding this article. I too am dating a chef for about 8 months now and it is honestly so hard. I myself already have trouble being alone, so to add a boyfriend, who I live with to always be gone and to never have anyone to hang out with, really bums me out. Reading this and everyone’s comments helps me know I’m not crazy for missing him ( I actually cried reading a few because I could relate so well) I wish there were support groups where we could all get together while they worked! If anyone’s from Boston Lets hang out! 🙂

    Reply
  19. Alisha Haque

    Hi Jennifer

    I was actually looking for a meal to cook for my bf who is a chef just to do something special as he hasn’t cooked for me yet.

    I was surprised but grateful to land on your website and read through your posts which make me feel more comfortable and that I am not alone or the only one with this problem.

    We have been together for 2 years and we are quite content with how things are going. We both work full time jobs in similar industries which means we get along with each other very well.

    He does tend to get frustrated with me as we don’t live together and I would prefer to do so once we are officially married.

    I would like advice from your experiences on how to not get super stressed with being on my own during busy periods? How do you get him to communicate more? How can I make him understand what I am going through.

    Regards
    Alisha

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Alisha. Funny way you found my blog, but I’m glad you did!

      As far as not getting super stressed and struggling with the communication, I think all you can do is talk about it with him. It’s probably best to talk about it before you know busy times are coming so you can both be proactive about it. My husband is in the middle of training for a restaurant opening right now and knowing I can’t communicate with him during the day is really hard. 🙁 But when we talk in the morning, I get a feel for his day so I know what’s going on and he calls when he has a free second (which sometimes is not until the end of the day.) That seems to work well for us.

      Reply
  20. Chanel

    Hi Jennifer!

    Firstly want to say I’m glad I found your blog (indeed from googling, “dating a chef”). I live in London and have only been dating my chef for a couple of months but already realise this is going to be harder than I thought. We met online and really hit it off, talking daily over messenger and being excited to meet each other. We live about 40mins away and to begin with were seeing each other quite often, and it was great. But now we’ve fallen into a routine of 30mins together at the end of his day (usually 11/11:30pm) in front of the tv, a cuddle and then bed. I spend more time with his TV than him. I really like him and want to keep seeing him but I also would like him to keep making an effort like he was when we first met. Am I being unreasonable? Should I accept this and be glad when I do get to see him? Genuine questions that Id really welcome advice about. Will keep reading your blog, so glad I found it! x

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Chanel. Glad you found me! Have you tried talking to him about it? Has he been extra tired lately? Sometimes it’s really hard to tell what they are thinking when they are so exhausted!!!! 🙂

      Reply
  21. Chelsea

    AMAZING!!! I am a 19 year old girlfriend of 3 years to an apprentice chef who works around 65-70 hours per week in Adelaide. We live together, and I study nursing. I work mornings, he works nights..there is no in between for us! He is stuffed when he gets home, and Im asleep. I certainly feel lonely and forgotten at times because work is where he spends 95% of his time. This blog is fantastic! Thank you so much for making me realise I am NOT alone, even when I feel like it. These posts have really touched me, and helped me understand. So THANK YOU 🙂 You have found yourself a new subscriber x

    Reply
  22. Chelsea

    Oh I just stumbled across your blog and subsequently your facebook page and support group! I’m so excited by this. I know NO ONE who is dating/married to a chef and to be perfectly honest no one I know actually gets it! They don’t understand how hard it is, they don’t understand how many days turn in to nights, then turn in to mornings of waiting. They don’t understand the sacrifices we make to get that 5 minutes, that quick hug and a kiss goodnight. That days off are never guaranteed and requests for days off mostly go un noticed.
    The times I’ve wanted to scream “NO HE DOESN’T COOK AT HOME AND YES HE LIKES MY NO FUSS HOME COOKING!” are unable to be counted.
    Thank you for having this blog!
    Chelsea
    From Down Under
    South Australia

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hahahahaha!! We all hear that all the time. 🙂 Glad you found me. Welcome!

      Reply
  23. Leah

    hi… Just started to date a chef….adore him but he is always at work!! 🙁

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Leah! They do work a lot, don’t they? Hope things slow down a bit after the Christmas season! 🙂

      Reply
  24. Lisa

    I have never related to anything more than I do with your blog. Thank God I found you!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Lol – well glad you found me, but sorry you can relate so well!! 🙂

      Reply
  25. Sal

    So I met the love of my life, my whole world, pursuing his associate degree in culinary management, however, i had no idea this is what i would’ve been in for. We have passed through alot, we’ve been friends from before but we’re officially together almost two years. He stopped school a little while now and recently started back. He also landed a job at a 24 hour diner, recently opened in Trinidad (where we’re from). I used to spend soooo much time with him and he with me, but now its school, work, home. He’s also doing graveyard shift, so that’s 10pm-6am. I work from 8am-4:30pm. He wanted to break up with me because he knows I would have a lonely life, but I love him so much, I don’t want anyone else. We’re still together. How could I make this work?? I’m willing to do anything it takes.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Those opposite hours are really hard. It sounds like you have to squeeze in time anywhere you can (meet for a quick breakfast or early dinner, etc.) 🙁 Good communication with him and not being bitter or resentful about the opposite hours are going to be key! I have a closed Facebook group full of chef wives and girlfriends if you’d like to join us over there to talk more! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1586875798193404/

      Reply
      • Sal

        Thanks for replying!!
        It is hard. I try my best to squeeze in time, even if he’s sleeping, I try to be there. I’ll keep your tip in mind. I’ll join your facebook group soon. Thank you!!!

        Reply
  26. Pepper

    I stumble upon this blog because a while ago my husband told me that the life of a cook/ chef is a complete mess. I on the other hand (I don’t know if it’s because I’m an introvert) love spending time by myself and if I ever feel the loneliness I just drop by at my inlaws or aunts and uncles place. I guess having strong bonds with your extended family, aunts, uncles, cousins helps quite a lot. But to be honest, I really like our lifestyle and since I like to make things my way it works perfectly when it comes to house chores, decor, food, etc. I wanted to point out that there are people like me who live with a chef and enjoys the lifestyle! I love him very much and love to spend time with him when he is around and during the holidays, it doesn’t really matter to us and our families. We just switch our holidays to a week after or before the high season.

    Reply
  27. Jennifer

    Pepper, thanks so much for mentioning that. I have had a few people say the same thing – that they enjoy the lifestyle and don’t have any issues with it! I’m so glad! We moved away from family about 7 years ago and it made the holidays and other special occasions harder, so I agree with what you said about how having strong bonds with your extended family really helps!! I miss them so much!
    Jennifer recently posted…When the Chef Brings Home Samples . . .My Profile

    Reply
  28. Edward

    I’m not sure why I clicked on this link on your sidebar, but I thought I’d give it a look. In this situation I am the Chef. I do have 2 months off a year as I work two seasonal jobs. I was dating a marvelous woman a couple of years ago, whom I had known for some time. She had the 9 to 5, Monday through Friday, and I of course had the OMG how many hours am I going to work this week?

    I tried to explain what it would be like come fall/winter. We started dating in the spring and through the summer. During that time my hours, even though I generally work more of them in a week, are a bit more flexible. Once I started working in earnest during the winter season (ski resort) it tore us apart.

    I don’t have any advice, I’ve done very little dating since I chose this career path. I’m just thankful to be reading the blog of a successful Chef’s wife. It gives me hope that eventually it might be possible for someone to put up with my career.
    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Love how you describe your hours . . . how many hours am I going to work this week? It’s so hard when every day and week is so different.
      Glad you clicked on the link and thanks for sharing your thoughts. It is hard to combine two such opposite schedules!!

      Reply
  29. Rachel Whyte

    Hi Jennifer,
    I’m so glad I found your website as it certainly has answered some of those nagging questions you keep in the back of your mind.
    My partner is a chef and we have been living together for just over 2 years. He opened his own restaurant late last year and to say things have been stressful is an understatement.
    I love him to bits and he loves me. We are totally committed to each other and are each others rock, but there are many times when I question myself – is this the life I want to lead? Am I prepared to put in what feels like more into the relationship than he does? Am I prepared to do all the running about and looking after him? Am I prepared to live a life where I see him a couple of hours a week?
    I work full time and I’m very busy. I have my own hobbies and friends – it’s important you fill your life with things to keep you occupied especially at night time.
    But there are days and times when I miss him and sometimes I miss him when he is home too because when he is home he is exhausted – he eats, watches some dull tv to wind down then to bed. We have those couple of minutes between me waiting up till midnight for him to come home so that we can say hello and see how each other is doing, then we dont see each other the following morning as I’m up early and he’s still sleeping.
    On his days off, he sleeps in late and then usually late afternoon we get to spend quality time together. If we are lucky its usually a couple of uninterupted hours. No phone calls, no emails. But then its back to work.
    I knew from the beginning what it would be like but I never ever thought it would be this hard. I am a tough cookie but there are a few nights when I have cried from feeling alone, from those stupid thoughts that manifest when he doesnt come home at a normal hour, from the times when he heads out with other chefs to get some down time, or guests in the restaurant dont leave until 2am! Its even harder when you have friends and family telling you that you deserve more and that you should give all this up. No one else understands. Luckily I hang in there because I know that he is the one for me and that no matter what, he loves me and will look after me.
    I think that forever more we will be on a roller coaster ride. There are going to be good times and there are going to be bad times but I now know that I am not the only “chef widow” out there and I will stand by him through thick and thin.

    Reply
  30. P.Keo

    Its so comforting to come across this site. I too have been handling the ups and downs of dating a chef. I think its a ‘bit’ easier for me to have so much patience not just because I love my partner but also because I used to do split shift in banquets/hospitality day in day out for 3 years so I can relate to the hours and being tired. It may not be like spending hours cooking but the hours were the same for me back then. On top of this I’m the kind who naturally loves my own company so its nice to have a couple of hours down time at home after work and before he walks through the door OR have the day to myself on the weekend. But I do get it when people say it feels like they are angry at you (and to ask constantly “what’s wrong”?). Its caused a couple of arguments but its always the same reason from him ‘I’m tired from work’. But i remind myself what it was like back then working in hospitality.

    I forget I have it easier now with an office job and set schedule to do things around him but sometimes it does feel like the relationship is more about him than ‘US’. When his free and when he can help me out with stuff around the house etc. But I’m a giver so his lucky hahhah…nonetheless, I’m convinced he is grooming me for future wifery. Hahaha

    But yes he is worth the time and support. 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      It’s so hard to not read into their tiredness and think something is wrong. I still occasionally do it after 20 years!

      Hope he is successful in the future wifery grooming – lol!!!

      Reply
  31. P.Keo

    I also have to add, when my partner does get a few days off work which rarely happens, we always make the most of it by going things that are physically draining like you mention earlier on in the thread Jess (by not going on 4 mile hikes). So we go to the beach, camping or swimming by the river with a bbq to top off the day. And its then we really reconnect. Those days are what I embrace.

    Reply
    • P.Keo

      Jennifer not Jess. My apologies.

      Reply
  32. Mia

    I’m glad to find this site. It is good to share with people who have to face the same situation as I do. I’m engaged to a chef and we are tying the knot next month. We’re both excited but quite nervous about the prospects as well. My fiance and I met as friends on job 5 years ago in the middle east. we have since moved on with our careers. we both started off in the kitchen and now he’s a head chef in Australia and I am back home in Malaysia running my own cafe. needless to say, it is very challenging dating a chef and managing a long-distance relationship at the same time, but i know he’s worth it. The thing is, as i came from the same line myself, I thought it would be easier for our relationship as I understand the demands and limitations of his job. however, sometimes i still get frustrated when we have communication breakdown because he is too tired from work to talk (especially now that we are planning a wedding), and sometimes i really have to narrow down the really,really important stuff that we need to decide together, otherwise i find it better not to bother him with it and he appreciates that. Fortunately both our families are very supportive and are helping a lot with the wedding planning and arrangements. I am proud of my chef, and I am trying my best to give him all the support he needs and learn to be a better chef for him at home for when he expects a warm home-cooked meal 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! Thanks for sharing your thoughts since you are both in the industry. I have no idea what that’s like!

      Reply
  33. Ruth

    Hi Jennifer,
    I’m so glad I found your website.
    my partner is a chef in the Canada, and i am working in Asia in a company. he doesn’t have much time for me, as all chefs don’t, and the time difference makes it worse to communicate. now, its been 2 months that he hasn’t called me even for 2 mins. just few msgs when hes leaving from work. it makes me feel lonely and neglected. is this normal ? any help?

    Reply
      • Ruth

        Hi Jennifer,
        Thank you for replying back.
        to add i had mentioned it to him about trying to communicate a little more. i even asked him whether he was so busy that even on his off days he couldn’t call me for two minutes, but in response he just got irritated on me and said his life is tough and i don’t understand. Is it me being unreasonable and not understanding?

        Reply
        • Jennifer

          Honestly, we can try to understand the best we can, but never fully get it because we have not worked in that position (and vice versa). However, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask to be communicated with. 🙁
          Jennifer recently posted…You Know You’re a Chef’s Wife if…My Profile

          Reply
  34. Katherine

    I love this blog Jennifer! I have been dating my bf for over a year who is not the chef but owner of two restaurants. I know he loves me but I would be lying if I didn’t say it was hard. He only takes off thanksgiving Christmas and New Years day. Our dates are squeezed in between slow times of the restaurant and there is a good chance he will not be able to make that family function I’m super excited about. I struggle with wondering if I am a priority or what will it be like if we were married with kids. When he comes home I still don’t see him because he’s so tired from work he passes out within 30minutes. I do everything I am to force time together between sending him iPhone calendar reminders that I’m coming over or leaving notes around his house. With any relationship I figure I have to weigh the good vs the bad…He’s hard working, motivated, educated, loyal and family oriented. Id rather have that then date a dud working 9-5 that’s terrible to me
    Katherine

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Thanks Katherine. I agree – with the good comes the bad, and yes, sometimes it’s really hard. 🙂 Squeezing in dates can be hard, but so worth it!!

      Reply
  35. Payal

    Hi Jennifer

    I am glad that I came across your blog, looking up for ideas to surprise my man when he comes back home exhausted today. I am dating a chef and we are soon getting married. Since past month, I have been spending my summer at his place, but guess what? The past month gave me a real glimpse of how our married lives are gonna be together. But the thing is, I don’t wanna give up as a relationship is beyond our anticipations from each other. I am happy to be with him, and hope we stay together as you guys did. 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      They come home so exhausted, don’t they? 🙁 Well, glad you found my blog! Best of luck on your upcoming marriage!!

      Reply
  36. Elle

    Thank god i found this page. I was thinking of what gift should i give my boyfriend. As you know being a chef is very stressful. I want to surprise him, and i know that’s the very thing i could do right now. any suggestions ? Thank you and more power

    Reply
  37. Wayne r

    Well… I’m a chef… And me n girl have broken up before cause of lack of quality time etc… She just couldn’t manage… N recently shes come back n said she wants to make things work… So I showed her this blog… And she loved it… I hope this blog helps our relationship… Thank you soo much for doing this… As a chef I’m soo happy there’s someone out there who understands and is helping others .. Thank you soo much.. Keep up the good work

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Thanks for sharing the blog with her Wayne (and for the encouragement)! Best of luck to you both!

      Reply
  38. Chantelle

    Hi Jennifer, I’ve just started dating a chef and I’m completely head over heals for him already I visit him on the weekends even though he’s working.. My question is how do I not let his job affect how I feel and what should I do instead of going out on a date.?

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Chantelle. You might want to start thinking about weekends as just regular days, as it’s likely dates with him will be on a week night (which is hard to get used to. I would probably try and find something to do with friends on the weekends or find a hobby that you can do when he’s working. Hope that helps. Feel free to join us over in our closed Facebook group if you want to chat more. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1586875798193404/

      Reply
  39. Paul

    Hi Jennifer.
    My girlfriend is a chef, she is brilliant at what she dose and loves it. When we started dating over a year ago and everything was great we would see each other when we could and it worked. Then I became self employed and I could manage my days off around her better this worked for a while but now she expects me to be able to this all the time and gets upset when I can’t. Now I need a full time job again (Monday to Friday 9-5) as. I’m really worried that this will be too much for her. Have you got any advice or know someone who has gone through something similar? Thanks.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Paul. Since I’ve never been in that situation, I don’t have any advice. However, I do know a few people who have been in that situation. Feel free to join us over in our closed FB group and I’m sure they’d love to chat. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1586875798193404/

      Reply
  40. K

    Hello,
    My new boyfriend of 9 months is a chef.
    He recently told me today that sometimes when he is doing the dessert and sometimes serveds people that women pass him their phone numbers. This makes me very upset.
    I said to him he should be able to say, “I cannot accept your phone number as I have a girlfriend.”
    He has said he cannot do this, that it’s just the way of the industry and that he always throws the numbers out.
    Is this true ? Am I over reacting by being upset ? I am being unreasonable to expect he would reject the phone numbers ? I feel very disheartened and would like some insight from other people who are dating chefs.
    Thank you kindly in advance.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hmmmm….that’s a hard one. I have heard it does happen a lot in this industry. This is probably a better topic to talk about in private. Can you join us over in our closed Facebook group and I’m sure the girlfriends in there will have some great insight. https://www.facebook.com/groups/1586875798193404/

      Reply
  41. Maddy

    My partner is 23 and is three months into his apprenticeship. 13 hour days, 5-6 days a week – i swear working that amount of hours in a week is illegal in Australia. He gets 10 hours between shifts as a break. We don’t live together anymore so i’m lucky if i see him for a few hours every week. I’m starting to think that no matter how great he is, that it really is not worth it for me and my life.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Those are really long hours. 🙁 So sorry Madddy!

      Reply
  42. Mariana

    Hi Jennifer,

    That was great to read. I’ve been doing it for almost 5 years and my god the loneliness is insane. I see his dedication to his career and I’m so happy for him but his dedication to our relationship does not equal. It’s so upsetting to know that maybe if he made a little more effort I guess to talk it would be easier.

    Do you please have some advice on how I can get through to him about how lonely I actually am, every time I speak to him he thinks I’m being silly and says ‘then do something with your life’ and thinks the fact that I am lonely is stupid. I adore him and want a future, please help!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Got your email. I will respond to that. 🙂

      Reply
  43. Eliane Pigott

    This blog is amazing!!! I have just started dating a chef but am excited about the prospect of our relationship, although daunted too as I’m not used to seeing boyfriends only once a week! I’ll definitely be reading a lot more about this and trying to keep my spirits up 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Glad you found me. Looking forward to getting to know you more on Facebook!

      Reply
  44. Jackie

    I wish I had found this blog years ago! I’ve been with my chef boyfriend for 2 and a half years. Like so many of you other ladies, as much as I love my alone time, I struggle with his schedule sometimes (especially lately).

    When I first started dating him, my coworker (who’s been married to her chef husband for 20 years) told me to “run” unless I really thought he was worth it. She sat me down and explained she’s spent the past 20 years going to birthdays/weddings/holidays alone because he always had to work. Well, I didn’t run, but I did realize she was 100% truthful with me!

    I’ve dealt with so many of the same issues everyone has mentioned above. Having your friends and family not understand (they got over it after about a year). Waking up in the middle of the night and they aren’t home and your mind starts wandering. The thoughts of if we have children, can I handle doing most of it alone? But I love him, and so I stay.

    I just requested to join the closed group, because it would be so wonderful to be able to discuss these things with people who understand!!!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Glad you found me! Just approved your request for the group. Looking forward to getting to know you more. 🙂

      Reply
  45. Mimi

    Hi. I am super happy that I found this place to share my feelings.
    I met a chef who is living in the USA while I was ( and I am still ) living in Korea.
    After long chats and phone calls I took a plane to finally see him.
    He was a personal chef at that time and had pretty much time in the evening.
    Now things have changed.
    Now he has open his own Restaurant !
    Which I am super proud of! I have helped him out to design the logo
    for his restaurant and have drawn pictures to hang in the restaurant.
    ( I visited him again in Summer to help out. )
    BUT NOW HE IS SUPER busy. The business has just started.
    I made plans to visit him, leaving in 8days… he totally agreed my stay at his place
    and be there for 3 weeks.
    But, recently – he seems very very very super duper busy.
    Doesn’t talk to me much as we used to … and sometimes he just reads my
    text message and doesn’t reply BACK. or the ..next next day..or something like that.
    I told him yesterday that I feel like some kind of electronic component.. or less which can be replaced any time.
    He told me that I still don’t understand how much stress he has right now.
    ( He sleeps at the restaurant sometimes.. if he is too tired to get back home .. )
    And told me he has to focus on his business.
    There is nobody right now who can help him. Because it is not a big restaurant he is doing it all by his self. ( cooking, cleaning, taking orders… )
    He told me that I should make decision for myself what I want..
    I miss him so much. I am mad but still want to see him and figure out what’s going on in his life.
    And I do understand pressure and stress…endless hours of work..
    ( I am a film director, so when I am on shooting, there is no time to communicate with people out of the set. BUT I don’t shoot EVERY DAY 365DAYS )
    I just hope he still has interest in me, and wants me to be with him.
    But I don’t want to bother him…
    I get so emotional, since I got only 8days left .. making decision for the visit..

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Long distance relationships are so hard. I hope you are able to get some clarity when you are together soon. Try not to read too much into anything from so far away. 🙂 Glad you are able to see him soon!

      Reply
  46. Vicky Sauer

    Hi there,
    First-time blog writer so this feels a bit weird for me, but I am at my wits end. Obviously, like everyone here, I have a relationship with a chef.
    I am hoping to maybe get some little tips and tricks on how to deal with this. We’ve been together for almost a year now and I love him dearly, but honestly, I have a constraint inner battle just wondering what am I doing with my life. This is not where I saw myself at 24, I thought I’d have a partner that I come home to and we discuss our days be happy. Instead, I have gotten a partner that comes over (we have not moved in yet) at 1, 2 o’clock in the morning, trying to not wake me followed by myself getting up at 6am trying to not wake him.
    I’m not sugar coating it, I just feel so lonely sometimes. We talk when we get a chance, but obviously, those chances are so slim. If we do get a day to spend together, he is usually so tired that I feel so bad to be taking his sleeping time away from him. That and the fact that he never gets to have his “own” time, because I obviously need time with him, makes me feel like I am a horrible girlfriend.
    I try and keep busy, I’ve been going to the gym 5-6 times a week just so I have a let out, but I still feel disconnected from the “norm”. It gets hard when you go to the movies by yourself or out for coffee (usually I don’t mind, I always carry a book with me). I do think it might just be this time of the year as well, families being together, a lot of invitations that have a plus one option and not being able to tick that box.
    I’m rambling, sorry, if you have any advice on what to do to not feel lonely and cause more stress on to him, please, I am all ears.

    Reply
  47. jane

    well, im dating a chef we are about to be a year now. We struggle and we had 2 months break due to lack of time. Its really hard for me for he is part of me now and i decided to give a chance this time. He told me he will try but of course the usual is back. I became more understanding about it..He always complained he is tired and exhausted…Not having time like no dates or not seeing him for a week or sometimes 2 weeks is normal in the relationship?

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      I’m not sure how to answer the question, “Is it normal?” as we were already married when my husband started working in the kitchen. I know December is crazy and when he was working in the kitchen, we really didn’t see him between Thanksgiving and Christmas much. When he was home, he slept and then all his waking hours were working. His few days off, we saw him a little, but he often needed to sleep. I’m not sure if that helps…I know it’s hard!

      Reply
  48. Kenia Ramirez

    Me encantó todo lo que escribiste! I’m from Mexico, and I’m dating whit a chef actually, we’re dating for a year. And yeap, we’ll get married soon! You’re right, is not easy to date whit someone who spend a lot of time far from you, but it worth the wait every time that im whit him.

    Thanks for read beauty!

    Kiss!

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Glad he’s worth the wait!!

      Reply
  49. Anne

    I am dating a chef for two years now. He is an exec chef for a well known 5 star hotel oversea. So my challenges is not only he is a chef but the relationship is a long distance one. One thing I can say about dating a chef is that dating a chef drives me to insanity. I visited him frequently and he is forever working even during my visits and i think I am mentally and emotionally depleted. I get so jealous of the attention and time and special amenities he is giving to VIP guests. I don’t get to celebrate with him during Christmas , New Year or special festivals because these are times he is busy with gala dinners etc. it’s just insane. I have given up many times but he would then persuade me to stay. But I think I am finally slowly giving up before I lose my sanity 🙁

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      It’s so hard to miss celebrating all the holidays and big events without them. 🙁 Many of us can relate!

      Reply
  50. sharleay

    My partner is a heaf chef which means its work work work even when your lying in bed at night theres someone emailing him , hes days off well if he gets them are always fall of work training menu tasting etc drives me potty

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Yep! Lots of work!! It’s crazy!

      Reply
  51. Pau Cabrega

    Hello! I am also currently dating an executive chef. My family has a restaurant and I asked him to help me out. He went here without hesitations and now we are working together. I am also a chef but I now focus on pastries, now I am also managing the restaurant while he stays in the kitchen and sometimes helping me out with the management. As I read this article I can really relate especially that we are working and living together. It is not easy to deal with all the stress because they are usually ill-tempered and they can snap in an instant. But I tell you, it will work out as long as you dont clash with him when he’s angry or upset. You should just go with the flow and let them know that you understand them whole-heartedly. You will really be confused at first but eventually you will understand how they behave. They are not really sweet but they show affection in other things. 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      “You will really be confused at first but eventually you will understand how they behave.” I think many others would agree! Thanks!

      Reply
  52. MC

    Jennifer, Thank you so much for this post. I have fallen in love with an amazing chef (amazing person and incredibly talented) and I am now experiencing some of the frustrations. Now, I can’t complain too much because as a surgeon, my hours can be just as terrible and my time and attention can also be just as divided. However, after reading through your testimonial and the experiences of others, I feel more confident about how I feel about my SO.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      So glad you found me and that it was helpful!

      Reply
  53. gempita

    wow. thank you sooo much. im in a middle of frustration because my bf’s working time is getting irrational and i’ve been thinking about calling it off but then i know dating a chef would be hard. and i googled it and i bumped to this blog and i love it.

    im gempita. a college student from indonesia. and my bf is a commis. he works like a machine, i’ve gone through all things you’ve mentioned. we barely have time to hang out. he got his free day, i got my hectic day. when my college’s in a holiday, the restaurant is full.

    oh. im so desperated right now. idk how to manage this *cry*

    but thanks for writing this. really really helpfull. lots of love!! xxx

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      I’m sorry! I know it can be so hard and lonely!

      Reply
  54. Tanya

    Hi Jen, I’m in a long distance relationship with a chef… I try communicating as often as I could but he’s forever working. I love him and he loves me too. I also have my own life as a engineer however it kills me that sometimes he can’t even respond to my emails. We try to send e-mails to each other everyday, we skype maybe twice or 3 times a week. And now he wants me to relocate and staying with him, even proposed but I’m a bit sceptical. He’s ready to settle down and so am I. I’m about to give up my life, job and all that.

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      How exciting (and a lot of change at once). 🙂

      Reply
  55. Karen

    Hello, I just started dating a chef in March. He was in between jobs, so I saw him any time I wasn’t at work. I work 9-5. He recently just started at a new restaurant and now I only see him at 10:30-11pm. I am so tired of staying up to spend some time with him. He is on his 15 day in a row, and I just don’t know if I can do this forever. I can deal for a little while since he is doing an opening for a company, but is this it for life?

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Hi Karen. The hours during restaurant openings are definitely worse than normal chef hours, but normal hours still tend to be really long, and opposite of 9-5 jobs. I hate to say it’s forever as hours differ by seasons and jobs, but the hours are very long.

      Reply
  56. Helen Gutierrez

    You have no idea how helpful this blog has been. My boyfriend went from line cook to JR Sous to chef within the past few years. And though I’m so happy with his success I see less and less of him. Our relationship and family has always been a priority to him I know it but sometimes when I only see him to say good morning then to say goodnight it gets extremely hard and lonely. I literally cried reading your blog because I really felt like it was only me. It gets so lonely and none of my friends are with someone in the culinary industry so they constantly go out with there partners while I show up alone. And no one has ever understood what I felt or what I was going thru. I love him and would never imagine leaving him but it does get hard and reading all this makes me feel hopeful . Thank you!

    Reply
  57. Kate Hann

    Your blog is one of my go tos lately, especially when I’m feeling way down. My boyfriend of 4 years started at the CIA this past March and has quickly become busier than ever. We lived 45 minutes apart before he went to school, now it’s about an hour and 45 minutes. I’ve traveled up there to stay iver night at a hotel a few times and he has tried to come here wheb possible. He recently became an RA and so the hours abd responsibilities have tripled. I haven’t seen him in a little over a month now and it’s been really lonely. Some days I think about the future and if I am the kind of person that can be alone most of the time or if I’m ok with pretty much being a single parent as he thinks he’ll have to work up to 80 hours a week and possibly have to travel if the money is good or stay somewhere close to his job if he’s only able to get a few hours of sleep. He goes on externship for 15 weeks at the end of October, and that is going to be rough ib itself. It’s nice to see I’m not the only one that’s lonely in this situation. Thank you for giving me hope even when I’m feeling like crap..
    Thanks,
    Kate

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      You are definitely not alone. I know it’s hard!! 🙂

      Reply
  58. Michell

    I just came across this blog. I still have much to read, but this has been really helpful. I’ve been dating a sous chef for at least a month. I haven’t mind that we only see each other once (twice, if we’re lucky) a week. One thing that has been on my mind before finding this blog is that I wished we spoke with each other more when we are together, which gave me a sense that he may not like as much I like him. After finding this blog, I’m more appreciative of him making time to even spend his day off with me. I’m more encouraged to voice how I feel to him.

    I’ve also just got a new job (before I was freelancing with a very open schedule), it’ll be a challenge to now find a day we can spend together. The weekend is usually out of the question, since that’s when chefs are usually the busiest. Again, thanks a ton! Now to continue my reading! 🙂

    Reply
    • Jennifer

      Good luck with your new job (and finding a new day to spend time together. I know that can be hard with opposite schedules!) 🙂

      Reply

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