Why yes I do. Thanks for asking.
Sometimes I feel like I have my life here at home with the girls and my chef/husband has his life at work and then here at home. The things we each do in a day are so different from each other. Our two lives come together for a few minutes a day and then we go our separate ways.
The majority of the year he does get 2 days off a week. During those weeks, he doesn’t seem like a stranger. There is time to talk (even if it’s chaotic with kids running around), meals together as a family, etc. However, today is day 11 of a 14 day stretch with no days off. This doesn’t happen often, but occasionally it does. I really missed him today.
11 long days of work in a row. Has anyone seen my husband? (Just kidding.) Oh look, the restaurant just posted a picture of him on Twitter. (Seriously, this happened the other day and I laughed and said to myself, “Oh look, that’s what my husband is up to right now.”
In case you don’t know what I mean by separate lives, here’s a snapshot of our lives today. My husband is a chef of a large fine dining restaurant. Not only was it Easter, but it was a rare, beautiful, sunny day. The restaurant was as full as it could possibly be. He left the house at 4:45 am and just called saying he should be home by 11 pm. They served over 900 people today.
I am a stay at home Mom. I manage a few websites for a couple local businesses, I blog a little, and take care of our home and 3 children. I got up at 5:30 am and am sitting down relaxing at 8:33 pm. I went to church this morning, hung out with the girls this afternoon, cooked and cleaned a little and served Easter dinner to 6 people this evening.
Our days were very different! He said goodbye to me as I was half asleep as he walked out the door and will be home as I am getting into bed. (I will try to stay awake so we can talk for a minute about the day.)
I don’t say that to compare our jobs or roles or to say one is harder than the other (although today, I CLEARLY got the better end of the deal). We each have our jobs/roles, but the hours of a chef make it tough to see each other and to spend time as a family. Sometimes I feel like we are living separate lives.
Not only are our days different, it’s hard to really understand what the other person has gone through in the course of a day. While we usually have a few text and phone conversations during the day to check on each other and to support each other, I really have no idea what it would be like to serve 900 people in a fine dining restaurant. The task sounds impossible and like my worst nightmare. Yet my husband takes it in stride and things go smoothly.
On the flip side, he really has no idea what it is like to stay home with the kids all day, train and discipline them (some days a lot more than others) and do everything around the house. I think if we traded places for a week, I would be dead and he would be out of his mind. I’m pretty sure he would agree. We are each where we need to be, doing what we need to be doing, but missing each other terribly!
On Saturday, the day before Easter, this really hit me as I laughed at a conversation we had via text messaging. Here’s the perfect example of how different our days are . . .
Seriously? See what I mean?
I made pancakes for the girls that looked like cute little bunny bums and he sends me this.
I guess both activities at least had something to do with a rabbit. I laughed for a while over this “conversation.”
Another way it seems like we live separate lives is when it comes to friends. I recognize a lot of names of people he works with, but if I saw them at the store, would not recognize them. He knows many of my friends by name, but we don’t hang out as families. With the long hours and last minute changes of schedule of a chef, it makes it hard to invite someone over or to be invited over. He works when most people are off. Oh the life of the chef. I would love to have time and friends to do things with as a family. This is a really tough one for me, so I’ll leave it at that for now. I’m sure there will be another post about that in the future.
So separate lives – my life here at home and his life at the restaurant and here at home – and we are trying to emulsify them (thus the name of the blog in case you haven’t caught on before). Some days I think we have it figured out. Other days I just sit and ask myself, “Are we ever going to figure this out?”
But here we are with these two lives which in all reality don’t fit very well together, yet this is where God has brought us. We’re not going to give up trying to emulsify these separate lives. It’s tough. We’ll have good days and bad days, and then some really, really, really bad days. We’ll have to fight for our marriage, our family, his job, all of it. But we won’t give up. We’re in this together, ‘til death do us part.
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