Meet Rups – A Chef, a Wife and a Child


I was originally thinking this week I would be sharing my answers to these questions and ending this series, but I had a last minute volunteer so how can I say no to that???

I’d like to introduce you to Rups.  She’s from India, but currently lives in the United Kingdom. (I love that technology can connect us from all over the world) and she’s sharing her answers to my 5 questions.  🙂  Yeah!

Tell me a little about yourself and your spouse.  (Please include how long you have been married and what your job is (in addition to being a wife and mom.))

My husband and I have been married for 8.5 years. We met online – we are both from India where arranged marriages are common, and since neither of us were too keen on the prospective spouses our parents had lined up, we both went online where we found each other. He was working in France at the time (having just finished his Master’s degree in Hospitality as a mature student). I was working in my home town of Delhi. After a year of online and phone courtship (and a fleeting week together in Delhi), we got married. During that year he moved to the UK – partly because work opportunities for me in France were nil and partly because it is very difficult to succeed as a chef in France if you are not French. I moved to the UK to be with him and we have been here ever since. I work full time in an IT company as a technical writer and he has held the position of Executive Chef in a series of hotels. (He’s a serial job hopper!).

How many children do you have?

We have one feisty, adorable little monster boy who will be 3 in January. I had 9 months off when baby arrived but I realized that being a full time mom was not working either for me or for my boy. He is a happy go lucky, sociable little soul and I just didn’t have the energy to keep him as stimulated as I wanted. So he went off to a fabulous childminder and I went back to work. It was the best decision I have ever taken (FOR ME – not putting down fulltime moms at all) – my little fellow loved his childminder and now loves his nursery and I treasure the time I spend with him even more. We get a lot of questions about when we are going to have another child but we never wanted more than one and the difficulties of juggling everything have meant that we are not in the slightest bit tempted to change our minds.

What has been the hardest part for you and your chef/husband with the addition of a little one to your family?

Have you got all day? 🙂 The big one is lack of time and communication. Pre-baby, it was hard enough due to us often working opposite hours, but at least then when we *did* get time together we were able to use it to do things together. Now we sometimes take a day off work, drop our son to nursery and spend the day together. But this is maybe twice a year – the rest of the time, the only time we get together is from 9-11pm after my son goes to sleep and before we do. This time is also used for housework, eating dinner and relaxing. Not to mention that there is no guarantee that my husband will be home at this time anyway. Even when he is, once housework is finished we usually slump on the sofa in front of the TV and relax in our own way – him with the TV and me with my sewing. When there is so little free time, talking to each other is usually the first to be dropped.

Also, I find it very hard to ‘single-mom’ it. We have no family and few friends here so there is no one around to help if we need it. I don’t drive so even the picking up from nursery can become an adventure. (Luckily, so far, my husband is able to drop our son off most days.) And the most infuriating thing is that my job is always the last priority. It doesn’t matter if I’ve finished my work or not, I need to leave work at 5pm in order to pick my son up in time. It doesn’t matter if my boss has asked me to be available for a conference months in advance – if my son is ill on that day, it is me who has to take time off. This has meant I can’t progress my career in the way I would like. Don’t get me wrong – my son is my priority and I never hesitate when I need to choose between my job and him – it’s just that it would be nice if I wasn’t always the one who has to choose.

What would you consider the pros and cons of working full time outside the home?

Pros of working full time:

  1. Higher income so we can do the things we want for our family like pay for private school
  2. Having an identity outside of home.
  3. Having a sense of accomplishment and appreciation when doing well at work.
  4. Having a source of income coming in all the time as mine is a stable career whereas my husband sometimes has gaps between one job and the next


  1. Sheer exhaustion
  2. No time for anything other than work, son and minimal housework
  3. Not being able to take my son to see his grandparents as often as I would like (two-edged though – I don’t have time but I can afford to take him; wouldn’t be able to afford it on one salary!)

Any advice for young chef couples who are thinking about starting a family?

For the non-chef member of the couple – be very aware that you are going to be doing 90% of the parenting. Be comfortable with this before you start trying. And always, always plan your finances in advance. I see so many young couples having children and then worrying about the lack of money. Plan ahead and a stressful time will be less stressful.

For the chef – if you can, consider a job change that allows more time at home – especially if your spouse is working and your child will go to childcare. Otherwise you will never see your child and you will regret that when you are older. And send your spouse a link to Jennifer’s blog.  🙂

(This is Jennifer again . . . )

Her last line is my favorite!  🙂  lol

And plan your finances in advance – great advice!!  Thanks Rups for taking time to share with us.  The United Kingdom, India or the United States, looks like we struggle with similar things as chefwives.  I wonder if there is any country where the job of a chef does not require as many hours . . . anyone . . . anyone . . .????  (If so, we’ll all be moving there, right?)

From one chef wife to another,




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Also in the series A Chef, a Wife and a Child. . .

Help!  I’m Pregnant and Married to a Chef

When Something Goes Wrong – Miscarriage and Ectopic Pregnancy

When Things Don’t Go as Planned – Infertility

Meet Alisa – A Chef, a Wife and a Child

Meet Kerilyn – A Chef, a Wife and a Child

Meet Kim – A Chef, a Wife and a Child

Meet Andrea – A Chef, a Wife and a Child

Coming Up in the Series . . .

My answers to the 5 questions in this series and how in the world we live on the one income of a chef


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