I had no idea how many women had miscarriages until I had one.
After the initial excitement of finding out that my chef/husband and I were going to have our first child, my thoughts and fears headed straight toward miscarriage.
I know now that many women have miscarriages, but my Mom had 14. Yes you read that right. 14. I am an only child and she was on bed rest the majority of her pregnancy with me. I am like my Mom in many ways, but would this be one way I was like her as well? I of course had no way of knowing. So as we started to pray for our unborn child, we prayed that if it was God’s will, I would carry him/her full term.
Because of my Mom’s history, I really thought I would have a miscarriage my first pregnancy. We hardly told anyone the news at first. I was so scared I would tell people and then have to go back and tell them I lost the baby. I didn’t think I could handle that, so it was easier to not tell people.
So for much of my first pregnancy, I worried about having a miscarriage. Much of my second pregnancy I worried as well. (Like I’ve said many times before, worrying only makes the situation worse!!) The evenings after work while my husband was still at work in the kitchen were hard. My mind went crazy with worry!! I couldn’t wait for him to be home so I wasn’t alone.
My 3rd pregnancy didn’t go as well. I found out I was pregnant early on, but started bleeding heavily at about 7 weeks and lost the baby. I was devastated.
I of course still struggled with loneliness as a chef wife, but now had crazy hormones from losing a baby and was home with 2 small kids all the time while my husband continued to work 70 hour weeks in the restaurant.
I felt so alone. I really dislike the long hours a chef works. Have I mentioned that before?????? When tough things come up in life, which they often do, having so much time to yourself and missing the person you want to talk to the most is SO HARD!!!! I just wanted my husband home at night to hold me and tell me things were going to be OK. I remember praying for peace and comfort and crying a lot.
I lost my Mom 12 years ago to cancer, so not being able to talk to her about this was very hard. I really wanted to just pick up the phone and call her and so she could tell me she understood how I was feeling. My mother-in-law is amazing (I think I’ve mentioned that before) and was so supportive and comforting, as were my friends. I was so grateful for them (but still missed being able to talk to my Mom.)
While this miscarriage was hard, my 5th pregnancy (after 3 live births) was the hardest. I started bleeding again, but this time when they did an ultrasound, they could not see the baby. My HCG levels were showing I was pregnant, but the baby was not where it should be. So I found out more than I ever wanted to know about ectopic pregnancy and headed to the hospital for surgery.
Nothing could have really prepared me for what happened after the surgery. First of all, I walked into the hospital not looking pregnant and walked out after surgery and losing the baby looking 5 months pregnant . . . you think this is something the Dr. or nurse might have mention before hand???? REALLY????
Second, I saw just how hard it was to be out of commission for a few short days with 3 small kids and a chef/husband who works so many hours. This pregnancy was only 11 months after our 3rd child was born. We had decided to have another child and to try and have them close together to get the craziness over all at once. However, when things don’t go as planned and you end up in the hospital 19 hours away from most of your family, married to a chef who is in a relatively new job without vacation time and have 3 small children at home, it’s a bit of a nightmare!!
My emotions were CRAZY!! I looked pregnant, but was not! I was in pain and had trouble caring for our 3 young children and was alone a lot! It was a rough month or so for our family!
After seeing how hard it was on our family to have me out of commission for just a few short days, we decided to be grateful for the 3 healthy children God had given us and stop there. (Of course God can always override that decision if He chooses.)
So that’s my story. Both the miscarriage and ectopic pregnancy were very difficult times for our family but have been a part of what God has used to mold and shape us into the couple and parents we are today.
I’m sure I’m not the only chef wife who has lost a child. How have you coped with miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy? What did you do in the late hours of the night when your chef was still at work and you had too much time to think?
Hugs from one chef wife to another,
Also in the series A Chef, a Wife and a Child. . .