When I started this blog a few months back, I started scouring the internet to see what other Chefs’ wives or significant others were writing about their lives, with hopes of finding I was not alone. The first blog I came across (because she took the domain name I wanted (just kidding Kerilyn)) was MarriedToAChef.com. It’s been so much fun chatting back and forth across the country with another chef’s wife! Funny how we can live so far apart, never have met in person, but have so much in common immediately!
Today, I’m writing about raising a family with a chef over on MarriedToAChef.com. I’m so excited to have this chance to guest post on Kerilyn Russo’s blog! I hope you’ll take a chance to hop over there and read the post, comment on it, and then take a few minutes to look around her blog. (more…)
For the last few months my husband has been not only the Executive Chef of the restaurant but the interim General Manager. For those of you in the industry, no words are needed to describe the challenges of that. With these added responsibilities his hours and days off have shifted a bit. While the hours have still been CRAZY, he’s been off on Fridays (unheard of!!) and occasionally home in time for dinner.
As I was making dinner the other night he called to say he was about 20 minutes away from home. Yeah! What a nice surprise!
So after a quick glance around the house to make sure there were no piles of laundry on the bed and no toys to trip on, I finished up dinner just in time for us all to sit down as a family and eat! (Fortunately this was an evening where I was not doing breakfast for dinner or random leftovers!)
The meal was not the best part of this surprise. It was what happened after. . . 45 minutes of piano playing and dancing around the playroom as a family. (And just to clarify, it was the kids dancing, not us.) (more…)
To a 9 year old, a normal job would be one where Daddy was off on Saturday and Sunday, the days she is off of school.
A “normal job” would be one where he is home this afternoon so she could stay at home with him, instead of having to go to a baby shower with me (knowing her friends will not be there, but will be home with their dads.)
I guess a “normal job” would be what we consider a 9-5 job, although I know very few people who actually work a job like that.
It would not be the job of a Chef.
So this morning, in tears, she says to me, “Why can’t Daddy just have a normal job?” She was crying and angry (not angry at him, but angry he can’t be home more).
I am not sure why it hit her so hard this morning, but it did, and I got this question, in tears, for the first time.
I really have no idea how to answer it either.
She is in school or on the bus for about 7 hours a day during the week. The other girls are home at least part of the day when he’s off, so it’s not as big of a deal. So when Daddy/Chef is off only during the week, she only sees him for a couple hours, some of which have to be spent doing homework, eating, taking a shower, etc, normal things that just have to be done.
We can plan date nights for just the two of them. We can plan ahead as much as possible to make as much free time on his days off for her, but it still stinks. We all know it does.
How can I help her cope with this reality that will be probably always be part of her life?
How about crying?
Yep, that’s what I did. I sat on the couch, held her in my arms and we cried together. It’s so hard! I know it’s hard! I miss him too! Less than an hour earlier I had just told my chef/husband over the phone that I missed him so much (and I was home on his day off 2 days ago.)
So after a little sobbing, we talked. I reminded her about how much we both loved her and how grateful Daddy and I are that his job allows me to stay home and take care of our family.
We talked about the gifts and talents that God has given my husband in the area of cooking and how he uses those every day to provide for us.
We even talked about his brief attempt to get out of the kitchen to try and have a “normal” life. It didn’t work. God had other plans. He went back in the kitchen and kept getting promoted. How can you argue with that? It’s clearly the profession God has for him. (This probably went over her head, but it sure helps me when I’m discouraged.)
We talked about what to do when we get angry. We talked about praying and asking God to help us not be angry, to help us calm down and to not be upset.
And we cried some more.
The day went on. We both recovered and are fine. But it’s tough. And this is only the first of our three children to ask that question. We have two more who will be in school full time soon too.
So as the days go on, school and work will continue. I guess I’ll be adding this to my list of things I pray for her each morning. Missing Daddy is no fun. 🙁
Before I conclude, I should probably say that I do not write this post to make my chef/husband feel bad or guilty in any way. While we miss him very much,it’s just as hard for him to be away from us at work for so many hours.
I almost didn’t write it because of that.
But this is our reality. This is what we go through at home. This is the whole reason why I blog . . . to share what our ups and downs are as a family trying to combine restaurant and family life.
While I feel like I’m alone in this part of parenting, I really don’t think I am. There are thousands of restaurants in the US alone! Where are all the other chef wives and moms having this same conversation with their kids? If you are out there, please speak up!
Wow that sounds like a desperate cry for help – lol. But seriously, I would love to connect with you. Please leave a comment. Hunt me down on Facebook. Let’s talk!
. . . your list of “M” words for your kindergarten homework has “Modernist Cuisine” on it.
I don’t know about other parents, but I absolutely love kindergarten!! I could never teach it, but as a parent, I love it! It’s a year full of firsts. Every new thing learned is so exciting and it’s is so much fun to watch your child grow and change so much in this first year of school.
Kindergarten homework is pretty cute too. On top of all the reading, there’s activities that are silly and fun that enforce what they are working on in the classroom.
Draw a rainbow with the correct colors in order.
Jump from your bedroom to your parent’s room. Count how many jumps.
Practice tying your shoe 5 times.
Draw and label 5 things you can see in the sky.
Write 5 things that start with the letter M.
I wonder what cookbooks happened to be sitting near her as she was working on her homework?
The hours are crazy and always changing, but harder than the long hours, is the last minute change in schedule. While my husband is the Executive Chef (and currently the interim General Manager) of the restaurant he works at, that is a ton of responsibility. So if something comes up and it happens to be on a day he is scheduled to have off, he works. Obviously there are others in the restaurant that can handle a lot of things, but sometimes, it has to be him.
Last Friday was a perfect example. He was scheduled to be off, but a last minute meeting came up and he had to go in for a few hours (with 2 1/2 hours commute time as well.) 🙁 (more…)
