Why Can’t Daddy Have a Normal Job?

Tags: , ,

chef and daughter

How do I answer that?

What is a “normal job?”

To a 9 year old, a normal job would be one where Daddy was off on Saturday and Sunday, the days she is off of school. 

A “normal job” would be one where he is home this afternoon so she could stay at home with him, instead of having to go to a baby shower with me (knowing her friends will not be there, but will be home with their dads.)

I guess a “normal job” would be what we consider a 9-5 job, although I know very few people who actually work a job like that.

It would not be the job of a Chef.

So this morning, in tears, she says to me, “Why can’t Daddy just have a normal job?”  She was crying and angry (not angry at him, but angry he can’t be home more).

My husband and I have a hard enough time with the crazy hours and ever changing schedule of a chef, but apparently now we have to figure out how to explain them to our oldest, who sees him the least of all of us.

I am not sure why it hit her so hard this morning, but it did, and I got this question, in tears, for the first time.

I really have no idea how to answer it either.

She is in school or on the bus for about 7 hours a day during the week.  The other girls are home at least part of the day when he’s off, so it’s not as big of a deal.  So when Daddy/Chef is off only during the week, she only sees him for a couple hours, some of which have to be spent doing homework, eating, taking a shower, etc, normal things that just have to be done.

We can plan date nights for just the two of them.  We can plan ahead as much as possible to make as much free time on his days off for her, but it still stinks.  We all know it does.

How can I help her cope with this reality that will be probably always be part of her life?

How about crying?

Yep, that’s what I did.  I sat on the couch, held her in my arms and we cried together.  It’s so hard!  I know it’s hard!  I miss him too!  Less than an hour earlier I had just told my chef/husband over the phone that I missed him so much (and I was home on his day off 2 days ago.)

So after a little sobbing, we talked.  I reminded her about how much we both loved her and how grateful Daddy and I are that his job allows me to stay home and take care of our family.

We talked about the gifts and talents that God has given my husband in the area of cooking and how he uses those every day to provide for us.

We even talked about his brief attempt to get out of the kitchen to try and have a “normal” life.  It didn’t work.  God had other plans.  He went back in the kitchen and kept getting promoted.  How can you argue with that?  It’s clearly the profession God has for him.  (This probably went over her head, but it sure helps me when I’m discouraged.)

We talked about what to do when we get angry.  We talked about praying and asking God to help us not be angry, to help us calm down and to not be upset.

And we cried some more.

The day went on.  We both recovered and are fine.  But it’s tough.  And this is only the first of our three children to ask that question.  We have two more who will be in school full time soon too.

So as the days go on, school and work will continue.  I guess I’ll be adding this to my list of things I pray for her each morning.  Missing Daddy is no fun.  🙁

Before I conclude, I should probably say that I do not write this post to make my chef/husband feel bad or guilty in any way.  While we miss him very much, it’s just as hard for him to be away from us at work for so many hours. 

I almost didn’t write it because of that.

But this is our reality.  This is what we go through at home.  This is the whole reason why I blog . . . to share what our ups and downs are as a family trying to combine restaurant and family life. 

While I feel like I’m alone in this part of parenting, I really don’t think I am.  There are thousands of restaurants in the US alone!  Where are all the other chef wives and moms having this same conversation with their kids?  If you are out there, please speak up!

Wow that sounds like a desperate cry for help – lol.  But seriously, I would love to connect with you.  Please leave a comment.  Hunt me down on Facebook.  Let’s talk!


  1. Michelle Rivera

    This is my life! Thank you for sharing this!

    • Jennifer

      Happy to share. Glad to know I’m not alone Michelle. Thanks!

  2. Kelli McIntosh

    It’s me again! I just discovered your blog today and this is the 2nd post I can definitely relate to! Like I already told you, my husband is not a chef but a semi-truck driver. Thankfully, we see him almost every day, but in 2011 he was over the road and we didn’t see him for 2 weeks at a time (my kids were 4 and 5). It was SO hard! My daughter (now 7) still cries about not seeing him a lot and so I know what you are going through. I am so glad that you are able to stay at home with you kids, though, as a result of his job. I hope to be able to do that one day (I’m close…only part-time work now). Isn’t it so nice to know that you are not alone in this?

    • Jennifer

      It sure is. 🙂 2 weeks is a long time, especially if it happens regularly.

      I often think of all those families who have a husband or wife deployed in the military. I am so thankful for their service but also thankful for their spouses (those who are married) and their families who sacrifice so much as well!

  3. Amy

    Oh gosh, I don’t know how I would get through that if I had kids. I want them to be able to appreciate what their future dad does for us, but of course if they are young, they won’t understand. I have only thought positively about this subject, my husband and I have talked about when we have kids and if ones a girl, they’ll grow up and have some sleepovers at our house and my husband will be the cool dad and make them creme brulee to eat while they watch movies in a fort. :p

    I will definitely be referencing back to some of these blog posts after we have kids in a few years lol.

    • Jennifer

      Creme brulee in a fort sounds perfect. I bet even a son would enjoy that in a fort or tent! As a mom, I do everything I can to make sure they know WHY he works the hours he does. While the hours are long, he is also setting a great example for them of how a husband works hard and provides for his family, which is so important.



  1. #Fellowship Fridays 15 - Think Spring - Christian Mommy Blogger - […] EmulsifiedFamily.com:  Why Can’t Daddy Have a Normal Job? […]

Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *