I wrote the post below back in July, but never published it. Tonight I’m sitting on the bed, wishing my husband was home with us. It’s Cinco de Mayo – the busiest night of the year for his restaurants. We haven’t seen him all week and we miss him. I’m tired. The kids have been arguing while making Mother’s Day cards. (Really?????? I don’t want have to discipline for that!! Ugh!! I really wish he were here to deal with the Mother’s Day card arguing…)
Have you ever referred to yourself as a single parent because of your husband’s career as a chef?
They work a ton of hours. They are gone the majority if not all of the hours the kids are awake. Because of this, the parenting on the days they work (and sometimes even on their days off) falls on us.
I get it.
I’m living it.
There are many days our girls do not see my husband because he leaves before or just as they are getting up and gets home just after they are in bed. Having a 1 hour + commute on top of the long hours of a chef is tough. My husband would have to leave work at 5 pm (and then sit in the car for 2 hours because of traffic) to be home to see them for an hour before they go to bed (which is not their best time of day). The mornings, it’s the same. If he doesn’t leave before 6 am, the commute can be almost 2 hours long. There’s really no option for a change of hours, so we find way to work with the schedule the best we can.
“Being married to a chef must be the best thing ever. #marriedtoachef.”
This is what I read as I glanced at twitter this morning.
Really? Best thing ever?
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I love that my husband is a chef. I love that when he is home, he cooks, because the food tastes SO MUCH BETTER!! I love that I can show him a recipe and he can immediately tell if it’s going to turn out. I love that he currently has 12,206 files in his recipe directory on Google Drive. I love how handsome he looks in his chef coat each morning when he walks out the door. The list could go on and on . . .
But let me let you in on a little secret, in case you are reading this and are not married to a chef. The life of a chef is not as glamorous as it looks on the Food Network. Let me give you a few examples . . . (more…)
So you made it through pregnancy. All your fears of your chef/husband not being able to make it to the hospital for the baby’s delivery were unnecessary as he was there in plenty of time. 🙂
But now you have this sweet little baby and your chef/husband is back to work, working a billion hours a week (OK, not that many, but it sure seems like it). You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, lonely and some days really, really, really, wish you had another adult to talk to. Raising a family with a chef isn’t easy.
“When I get married, I’m going to marry a chef because I can’t cook.”
“I want to marry a chef so they can cook for me every night.”
“My Mom just told me I better find a chef to marry or I might never eat when I move out.”
I think this might be the biggest reason that spouses and significant others of chefs find my website. Many of us are sitting at home on Saturday nights while most of our friends are out and about . . . yet our chefs are at work and we are home by ourselves (or with the kids) and are lonely.
It’s interesting. Loneliness has looked different to me at different times in my life.
When we were first married and my husband and I were working opposite schedules, I would get home, eat dinner by myself, and spend the night alone. I was lonely. I missed him. I wished he could be home so we could spend time together. I hated having all that time without him.
I found ways to occupy my time while he was at work. I watched TV, worked on my weekly Bible Study, did pages in my scrapbook, etc. But I would still think of him many times during the night and miss him. I was lonely. It was silent in our home and I struggled with the long hours he was working. I hated having all that time to myself.
Fast forward 19 years and the loneliness looks different. (I wish I had more time by myself – LOL!) (more…)