I’d love to follow up on Tuesday night’s blog post about pregnancy and the chef’s wife. I’m curious what other chef wives find (or have found in the past) to be the most concerning or scary about getting pregnant and being married to a chef. Would you be willing to share your thoughts and concerns in a comment below? (Feel free to leave the comment using the name anonymous if you want.)
You can find the series here in case you’ve missed it.
From one chef wife to another,
The only time my chef hubby has ever left work in the middle of a shift is when I was involeved in a car accident – and he got in a lot of trouble for it.
What worries me most about having children with him is the emergencies – I’m scared that won’t be there. When we end up spending the night in hospital with a broken arm, he won’t be there.
Short of a death, in an emergency I’m on my own – and that scares me.
I understand Sarah. How frustrating that his work didn’t understand when you were in a car accident. I’m sorry. 🙁 Do you have family or close friends near by that might be able to help if you need it?
My chef and I are looking to start a family in the near future. The part that scares me the most is having to be the sole parent for the most part and home alone majority of the time taking care of the baby on my own. It sounds overwhelming and stressful to not have as much help as the average couple who both work 9-5.
I’ll be honest, it is overwhelming, but if you just take one day and night at a time, you can do it. You will have less help than the average couple who both work 9-5, but just like everything else in our relationship with a chef, we really can’t compare ourselves. 🙂 I hope the overwhelming thought doesn’t discourage you from being parents. While it’s the hardest job you’ll ever have, it’s pretty amazing.
Thank you, it definitely won’t discourage us! We can’t wait to start a family despite the fears. 🙂 I have to do enough on my own because of his schedule anyway so this will just be a new adjustment.
Great way to look at it. 🙂 (I wish my comment section had a like box like Facebook!)
Hello,
I am now expecting number 1 for but child number 2 in our home. My chef had a child prior to our marriage that he has full custody of. After raising our current one I see how hard it is for him to get off or be available. I’m afraid he won’t be there for the delivery of our first child. Beyond my fear of him missing emergencies, I also worry about all the important occasions our milestones he will miss, such as holidays, birthdays, prom, and school events. It’s almost like raising a family alone. He is so busy and tired when he is off our son doesn’t get much time and my husband struggles to make that time meaning full as his first born our son is 4, he is full of energy and daddy comes home drained so often I have to remind chef to be a little patient and that our son just misses him.
I totally understand. I remember being worried my husband would miss the delivery as well. (He actually beat me to the hospital with our second child as he was closer to the hospital than I was.)
Full of energy is a great way to describe our 4 year old as well! Our 3 girls get very hyper the second the see him and are bouncing off the walls, which is tough. They are just so excited to see him!! It’s hard when he’s so tired and wants to spend time with them but is so physically exhausted!
Thanks for being willing to share Danielle. You are not alone! Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you and your family will be able to settle into a routine with a newborn easily! 🙂
To echo everyone else, my fears are that he will miss major milestones, including the birth. While we’re still a few years off from having children, we have discussed it. In a selfish vein, I worry that the weight of parenting will all fall on me – anything from discipline to diaper changes to bath and bed time. Our children will have a two-parent working household and I sometimes feel overwhelmed at the thought of doing childcare drop offs, pick-ups, meal prep, laundry, cleaning… everything on my own. To step out of the concerns for myself, I also worry about our children forming a meaningful relationship with him. I know he will miss things such as sporting games, recitals, parent-teacher conferences, but I would never want our children to think their father is choosing his career over them. I also don’t want him to feel like he is choosing his job over his family, because that’s not the way I would see it. I truly feel his career is his passion and it puts a lot of trust in me that I can do what is right for our family when he cannot be there.
I don’t expect it to be easy; I look at what a challenge it is to co-parent our dog (who is a handful, but nothing compared to a child) and wonder how many things I haven’t thought of that will be a problem someday. When our child needs to stay home sick or be picked up from school early, has a doctor’s appointment…anything that involves a flexible schedule. It will all be a struggle. But if there’s one thing he was destined to be more than a chef, it’s a father. So I know it will be worth it. 🙂
That was beautifully written Rachel. 🙂 Because my husband does miss an occasional event with the girls, we talk a lot about why he works – to provide for our family. Even though it’s hard on the kids, I think they do understand why he is working and we both tell them all the time that he would rather be home than at work . . . but then we’d be living in a tent in Grandma and Grandpa’s backyard instead of a house. (Of course they think that would be fun, but you know what I mean.)
Thank you for sharing your thoughts! It will definitely be hard, but so worth it, like you said! 🙂