Today’s post is from one of my readers, Tiffany Ewigleben, who has some great advice about connecting with other chef wives and significant others.

I don’t have many close female friends, or female friends in general. The ones I do have are my friends because of an understanding and commonality in our lives- mainly to do with our husbands or significant others.

I’m a wife of an executive chef, a man who is just starting to make a name for himself in our Midwest town. I’m also a mom of 2 boys-one a newborn.  I don’t have to share with your readership the daily stresses and joys of being ‘married to the chef’. I’m sure they are quite familiar with that.

What I want to talk about is the wonderful luck I’ve had connecting with a strong, wonderful group of women who are also married to or dating someone in the industry, and how having a support system helps make the hard days a lot easier.

Mainly by happenstance, but also by some husbandly intervention, was I able to develop this great network of women who not only related to everything I was going through (drama or daily basis) but happily shared their stories and tricks to cope as well.

Obviously, being married to the chef isn’t all bad, and I don’t want it to sound like my life is miserable-it’s totally not. But the times you want to complain are the times you appreciate your friends and fellow sympathizers the most.

Sara is my neighbor across the street. She is also a mother of two and an amazing hair stylist-who also happens to be married to an executive chef. We met through a mutual friend, who thought, since we both have kids and have husbands who cook for a living, that we would hit it off. We did, and I can’t say enough about having someone so close to commiserate with.

She understands the long days with just the kids, the late nights alone, the husband getting called on days off, canceled plans and angry family who just don’t get why we can’t make it to their kids’ high school graduation. I found out her husband also charges food for the restaurant on their personal credit card and ends up spending the cash elsewhere instead of depositing it. It’s nice to be able to share the frustration of late bills with someone.

We have the opportunity to rant, but also to share prouder moments in our husband’s careers. And I can’t say how invaluable the mutual free babysitting trade-off is when your kid is driving you absolutely crazy.

Maddie, another good friend, is the wife of a chef my husband has worked with multiple places. We had the unfortunate luck of watching our husband’s struggle and fail to keep a place afloat-through no fault of their own- and deal with the aftermath.  Long story short, they didn’t get paid for their last month of employment, and the place closed suddenly and they were left without jobs for a little while-which translated to financial difficulties and more for our families. It was a blessing having Maddie around to talk with during those long days.

Andrea is the girlfriend of another former co-worker of my husband’s.  Collectively, we share a love of good food and black metal. Concerts are often where we see each other, on those rare days when all of us can get off work and go out for an evening. She’s funny, witty, and an amazing handy women and auto mechanic. She’s got her stuff together, and the further her and her boyfriend progress in their relationship, the more she reaches out to speak of chefy things. With longer experience in the restaurant widow zone, I hope I can be a good listener and advice giver, if needed.

There is also a vast network of Facebook friends who share the struggle-some I know in real life, some I’ve never met-but they always provide just the right comment or consolation when I go off on a rant at 1 AM, since they are probably up, waiting for their husbands to get home too.

For those who feel alone out there, the internet is an amazing place – and often you find folks who are local and are really just looking for friends who they can relate too. I sought out FB groups that cater to the food scene in my town. There are a lot of chefs and industry people who are part of these groups to, and a lot of those who are married to those folks are part of the group as well. One little comment, and you put it out there that you are, indeed, a restaurant widow, and you’ll be getting PMs from those women in no time.

The chef community, from my experience, tends to be small. Guaranteed your husband knows at least one or two other local chefs-and probably if they have SOs as well.  What I’ve noticed, and what holds true outside of the chef/chef wife world-if your SO has good things to say about someone, chances are they are either married to or dating someone who you’d hit it off with as well. The next time your husband mentions a co-worker or chef friend, ask about his relationship status. Make plans to meet up. Facebook stalk her without being creepy. Go out for coffee and vent.  You may not end up being best of friends, but it’s possible.

Regardless of how you do it, having friends who understand your crazy, hectic lifestyle from intimate experience means a lot.  Seek them out and your life will be better for it. 🙂